“I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away”
I fear I’m making the worst decision I could make at this very moment in my life. But this spiel that’s been drawn out over our time together, is it worth hurting you until I’m able to get my shit together? Was it right from the start? Or did we just like that we filled each others void that craved the attention that we so needed?
So here comes the time.
Let’s make the break as neat as possible. Thank you for you.
Cross-fade-sion Invasion.
Last night, I took shots and smoked a bowl with my brother via Facebook video chat. Got more hammered then I intended. It was quite the sibling bonding experience.
“Shit, my beer..”
I pity Hawaii for its lack of tea houses. I could really go for some quality herbal liquid right now.
Tea date anyone?
So nothing turned into something really fast. I apologize to anyone I may have made unhappy.
Please understand. I merely trust the wrong people.
I haven’t rode the bus all way back to my house for a while now. After deciding to today, I hopped on with that familiar tinge of excitement from the bus’s arrival still passing through me.
Something caught my nose though. That smell. I’ve smelled it before. It was an herbal smell with a hint of ganj that could easily be mistaken for incense. After seeing the crowd on the bus I was quickly distracted and dismissed the thought. Preparing to endure the long journey home, I notice the distinct movement of a friendly wave.
The pair of you in your little nook in the back corner of the bus instantly pushed me down Memory Lane. Your dark and grudgy clothes and your messy wind swept hairdos almost resembled that of 2 homeless men, yet, still beyond pleasant none the least. Luke, I loved the way you wore that scarf. You turned a hipster scarf into something better. You both greeted me with those subtle, squinty, stoner smiles that brought such familiar warmth in my tummy.
Long time no see…you know….pleased to see you….how’ve you been…carry on…lovely
Fresh from playing music in China town, you two were heading to Luke’s. We talked soft and calmly with long pauses, as if thinking thoroughly before words hit our mouths. This. What I’ve waited too long for, you boys gave to me in a 30 minute bus ride. Intellectual conversation, the picking of each other’s minds, something I severely lacked. We playfully planned our mushroom trip and talked about physical and mental freedom. How sometimes we just need to hang out with our wangs out. My eyes fixated on you both as we talk. You guys were always my favorite people to watch.
I learned Luke is hopping between homes and takes a part in Occupy Hawaii. He spoke of his endeavors when the sudden greenly waft reached our noses. We shot our glances at Arri, already knowing his intentions. He expertly packed the electric device and sucked the antenna and breathed out with no evidence of the on-going activity. After Luke had his turn he gestured it to me, Would you like to chew on my walkie Talkie? Regrettably, I declined.
Remembering the freshly bought, hand-picked pack of incense in my bag, I insisted that they take the entire collection of 12. A subconscious Thank You for bringing such warmth and happiness to my stressful day. Arri held an incense stick under his nose reminding me of an exotic mustache, while Luke stuck one in his messy bun. You told me how you’d burn it while you and another companion played music in the gutters of Kalama Valley that night with the incense holder you had. “You carry around an incense holder?” I asked thinking, says the girl with a pouch of incense sitting in her bag.
And so the time came. You pulled the string and I painfully listened to the “Stop Requested” chime. I hugged Luke before he walked to the front of the bus to get his bike, then I hugged Arri.
“I wanna spend the night with you two”, I said under my breath. Arri caught my gaze intensely and said, just as soft, “You will.” and bounded off the bus making sure to give one last wave before hopping off.
Propped up on my bed, in a Misfits shirt and leg warmers. The warmth from my cup of Sleepytime Herbal Tea burns through my knitted coffee mug sleeve. Slowly I sip in my room, dimly lit by the glow of my desk lamp and lava lamp. Incense burn while Radiohead plays in the background, almost too soft to hear.
And I wonder if someone is thinking of me.
Dreaming of me.
Watch out, world.
Be nice to your waitresses.
and anyone else who may handle your food.
The life we have here on earth is unfathomably short. To the universe, our 80 years or so life span is infinitely minuscule to its own. The harm we cause to our planet effect our lives so greatly, while to the universe it means nothing. We are just a small part of our planet’s life, which is just a small part of our galaxy’s life, which is, among millions more, are just a small part of our universe’s life. We could have the greatest intelligence among other inhabitants of our universe or we could have the bare least.
We have, and may continue, to evolve from just a tiny particle, that compared to us, is far too small for me to wrap my head around. This evolution is what brings us here with the intelligence we have now. But, with intelligence comes questions, questions that begin to ask who we are and where we came from. These questions have became our sole search in life to find the meaning of our lives.
“…we are the products of a billion year lineage of wandering star dust. We, all of us, are what happens when a primordial mixture of hydrogen and helium evolves for so long that it begins to ask where it came from.” - Jill Tarter
Now, does this mean I believe in the theory of evolution? Well, this is an answer that I may never be able to give, for I suffer from commitment issues that I have with myself and my thoughts, which ultimately causes me to forever remain indecisive about my beliefs.
Celebratory Bowl
Jadie My Lady
